Three men walk into a press conference and state that Malta is a safe place for women
A man walks into a bar. He sits down, grabs a beer, makes a couple of jokes with his friends, and enjoys his evening. A few hours later, slightly intoxicated, he leaves the bar, and gets a ride home by jumping in the first cab he sees as he leaves the bar.
A woman walks into a bar, is eyed from top to bottom by one man, is winked at by another, and her behind is grabbed by a random stranger as she orders a drink. Eventually, she gets chatting with a seemingly nice guy. Five minutes into their conversation, Mr Nice Guy asks if she wants to “get out of here”.
Another woman has been at the bar with some friends. She needs to wake up early tomorrow and calls it a night before the rest. “Text me when you’re home.” She leaves the bar. Phone in one hand, keys in the other. A car slows down. Her stomach turns. The young men driving it try to attract her attention. They make a sexual comment, laugh and high-five each other. She looks ahead and walks on. “What a prude”. They drive away.
Another woman has finished her long shift at the bar. She gets in the car and locks it. Glances at the backseat to make sure no one’s there. Drives home and fInds a parking spot a corner away from home. Prepares her bags in one hand and her keys in the other. Unlocks the car door and runs home. Glances behind her three times as she puts the key in the lock. It takes a few seconds longer than usual to turn. Her heart races. The lock turns. She walks in and closes the door behind her. Realises her breath has quickened in the past ten seconds.
A man has experienced the first scenario.
A woman has experienced all four.
Much has been said about the murder of Paulina Dembska which I do not feel the need to repeat. Her murder hits home to myself as it does to so many other women. We each have rituals that we have normalised and we know that all other women do too.
I have refrained from commenting on the specifics of this murder, based on the fact that I am no psychiatrist, no lawyer, no social worker.
Then something changed. The Malta Police Force addressed a press conference in which two strong statements were made:
- that “Malta is still a safe place” based on the fact that this murder was “not premeditated”
- that this murder was a “random” case and that “nothing related to the gender of the victim”
Unlike the three men who addressed that press conference, I am a woman, and I feel the responsibility to speak out. So here are a few facts:
Fact #1: Male privilege is real. Being offended by its implication does nothing but confirm it.
Fact #2: Paulina Dembska was attacked and raped because she was a woman. Consequently, she was murdered because she was a woman. All other variables that led to her murder are secondary to this fact.
Fact #3: Stating that safety exists in a society which continues to normalise misogynism is irrational. Because yes, language matters and generational differences don’t when it comes to basic human decency.
Fact #4: Making such statements if you are a man and a figure of authority is disrespectful and downright arrogant.
Women will continue to be angry.
Women will continue to take a million and one precautions.
Women will continue to feel scared despite taking such precautions.
Most importantly, us women will continue to make our voices heard until all women can feel the same level of confidence that three men did when they addressed a press conference and stated that our society (or any society for that matter) is a safe place for women.
If you or someone you know needs to talk about their mental health, please call national support service 179. Alternatively, visit www.kellimni.com or the Richmond Foundation’s OLLI.chat to get in touch online.
